I hate to have to post this, I hate that it happened, and I hate cancer. For the past week Max had not been himself. He had been lifeless, he had been losing his ability to control bodily functions, and he had been in pain. Sunday night was bad, I cried during the night because he was crying, when we woke up yesterday morning we knew that it was time to let him go, that it wasn’t fair to him to make him keep fighting for us when he was so tired and hurting so much. We were advised by 2 people the rescue group that he was adopted from the same thing “Remember two things: Quality of life and Dignity, when those two things are in jeopardy, it is time”. Both of those things were starting to slip from our boy, so it was time. During the morning hours I sat with him on the floor and loved on him, he made sure I didn’t stop petting him by using his pyr paw to get my attention. Later, I decided to take Max with me to lunch with a friend, at one of my favorite restaurants, he got to lounge in a flower bed, had a brisket taco, a bunch of grilled chicken, and some chips with bean dip (he wouldn’t eat them plain). After lunch we came home to get his bed, and he rode on it all the way to the vet (and during the whole process). I think he knew what was happening, he didn’t want to (or couldn’t well) walk inside, once we got in the room he laid on his bed and closed his eyes. We sat for a while and loved on him, not sure if we were making the right choice, but then the vet came in. He looked at him and asked how long he had been sleeping (usually Max lifts his head to greet him when he comes in the door, he didn’t this time) our amazing vet was petting him and feeling around to see if he could feel something that could be causing him pain, I didn’t expect for him to find anything…. I was wrong. He located a mass in his abdomen right between his rib cage and right hip that was the size of a cantaloupe and extremely firm. At that time we all agreed that it was time, and there was nothing we could do. The vet administered him a sedative to make him comfortable, and I moved so I could look him in the eyes, and so he could see me, and pet him as much as I could. As I was petting his face I could feel moisture coming from his eyes, call me crazy, but I know he was crying with me. I didn’t expect the next injection to work so fast, I didn’t know what to expect, I had never been through this before, the vet was right… it is pretty much instantaneous. Before I knew it, he was gone, and my heart was shattered. I instantly felt guilt. In the last 4.5 years (he would be 4.5 today), we have spent around 13k to keep this boy healthy and alive, so we could all enjoy each others company and love, and in an instant he was gone forever. I wonder if we could have spent another few thousands of dollars to treat him, I wonder if he would have been okay then, I wonder if he could have beat cancer then. Those questions I will never know the answer to. What I do know is 3 weeks ago, this mass wasn’t there, 3 weeks ago, I was sure it was back in his brain (still think it was), 4 weeks ago, he seemed to be better, and now he is gone.
My husband and I came home, I placed his collar around my rearview mirror, and went to pick up our 2.5 year old daughter, a girl who loves Max and has since she was born. When we got in the car at her school she immediately pointed at the collar and said “Mamma, whats that?” I couldn’t answer her. When we walked in the door at home, she immediately went and picked up the box of milk bones from the island in the kitchen (Max had about 20 of them yesterday) reached in and said “I need to give them to them”. (Layla our lab mix was at her feet already) and then it happened for the first time. These words came out of her mouth, and I completely lost it, “Wheres Max?” she looked at me with the most concerned eyes as I cried. I think my crying distracted her away from her original question, and that is a good thing. At the dinner table it happened again, he wasn’t laying in the floor at her feet, “Where’s Max?” All I could say is “Max isn’t here baby, Max’s boo boo doesn’t hurt anymore, but Max isn’t here”. Later she picked up Layla’s food bowl and carried it around as she always did, trying to find Max to feed, my heart broke even more. I cried all day yesterday and was completely exhausted, I feel bad saying this, but I slept great, and didn’t expect to, but it was nice to just sleep.
I still can’t believe I will never hear him bark again, he will never greet me at the door again, he will never lay with me again, and that I will never hear Aven say “Hi Max, how are you? You got a boo boo?” Again.
So I leave you with this final post, as I am sadly no longer a Tripawd mom. Here are photos from the last few weeks, and some of the professional photos I had our photographer take of us about 3 weeks ago.
Max guarding me while I relaxed in the hammock.
“Mom, you’re embarrassing me”
“Okay… This isn’t so bad. ”
Max sleeping on the bed one last time.
Sweet boy in the playroom with Aven and I
My love.
He was the sweetest.
Max and his parents.
The happy family
My first born.
Our final morning.
The good petting.
I will love him forever.
Lunch on the patio.
You have any more food?
Look how cute I am!
Ahhhh the good life
On the way to the vet one last time 🙁
Always along for the ride
So tired, so strong
🙁 this is without the sedative.
When I picked him up from the vet for the first time at 12 weeks old, and when I took him for the last time at 4.5. 
He will continue to guard me.
My best friend.
Making sure Im okay.
Davis Family – July 2015
I am crying soooo hard it is impossible to write right now! IMPOSSIBLE! I will be back! I just need to to tell you you gave Max THE greatest gift at exactly the right time!!!
I’m just so devastatingly sad right now I have to come back later.
I LOVE YOU AND MAX!
I have to come back later too, !… Mary Ann
Oh man. I don’t even know about Max and his story but this got me right in the feels. What a beautiful relationship you all shared and what a wonderful love you had together!! I have nothing to say that will help you in this moment except that you know in your heart you did everything you could to help Max and take his pain away. His love knew NO bounds with you and your family and his memory will live on forever in your hearts!!!
Lots and LOTS and lotslotslots of hugs…
Jamie
I am so sorry for your loss…. your words brought me to tears. These lovely creatures are our angels on earth… Thank you for taking care of Max, most people wouldn’t have put the time and effort. You are amazing parents for seeing him through the final moments. Blessings to your family!
Our Angels. Now I’m starting to cry AGAIN at THAT comment ! Oh boy. What loves they are.
Mary Ann
I am sobbing as well…..my heart breaks for you all. Max couldn’t have asked for a more loving family!
My prayers that you will find peace with your last loving decision for him.
Paula and Nitro
I’m so sorry. In the next hour Super Bailey’s cousin Lily, will be joining Max in place where they won’t feel anymore pain. Cancer is so horrible, but I know from just this post Max had a wonderful life with so much love from you and your family. Our condolences – Super Bailey, Lauren & Stu
My heart goes out to you and your family, I’m crying as I write this because I to know this pain and only time can ease it. God bless you for your love of Max and your care and God bless you for letting him go.
Thank you for sharing all these beautiful pics of Max’s journey, what a truly handsome pup he was…… I am so very sorry for his loss. Many of us absolutely know the awful heartbreak and extreme grief you are feeling. Please know that Max had the best life possible with you, and he knew how very loved he was. This end part of this un-wanted journey is the hardest, and yet the easiest……he fought a very tough battle, lived life to the fullest, and has now earned his well-deserved angel wings……he will never be forgotten.
Keeping you and your family in my heart and thoughts, and may Max’s spirit presence always be with you…..
Bonnie, Angel Polly, Pearl, and Zuzu
I am so, so sorry! Your post really tugged at my heart. please know that you gave him the most selfless gift we can give our pups. He is grateful and at peace and pain free now. This is a very sad time and I really have no words to make it any easier. Just stay close here for support and keep those priceless pictures nearby. Thinking of you, Lori, Ty & Gang
BTW, my tears just keep falling for you……
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} to you and tour family
I can’t stop crying and my heart breaks for your family and the loss of sweet Max. You gave Max the best 4 1/2 years. I know the pain you’re feeling right now as I lost my Leland at 4 1/2 years old. It seems so unfair that their lives are cut so short.
And you will always be a Tripawd mom even though Max isn’t with you in a physical form. He’ll now be watching over you and your family as an Angel. You will always be apart of this great community and we’ll be here to lend you support as you grieve.
And the pictures are simply beautiful. I’m so glad that you and your family has those to keep Max close.
Sending you all a warm hug in this tough time.
Sahana and her Angel Leland and Lucian too
Thank you for sharing this important reminder, your personal thoughts and feelings during this difficult time, and the beautiful photos.
Peace.
Dear Max,
How wonderful for you to have such an amazing Mom and Dad and little one to help you through this lifetime. Your family surely sound delicious and loving. I, 3 weeks ago myself, crossed over The Rainbow Bridge. I hope to meet you over here. I’m sure I’ll know you on sight. In fact… my Mom just sent me to find you.
Your new friend in Heaven,
Piper
PS. In fact, my companion Max is still with Mom. Funny this name thing. See you soon with wagging tails and let’s go swimming !!
Piper
Crying too. I am so sorry for your loss. I consider myself a Tripawd mom even though Sassy is at the Bridge. I know she is healthy and has 4 legs again but once a Tripawd mom always a Tripawd mom. You are always welcome here. Honestly this was the only place that I felt safe enough to say my true feelings and bare my soul so to speak because we all know what it is like.
You are right cancer sucks. A lot of us know first hand. No one can tell you when or how long to grieve its the personal part of this journey. It is the hardest part of the journey in fact. We can be there to support and comfort but the hardest part comes from within. It takes time.
These are great pictures of your family. Thank you for sharing.
Michelle & Angel Sassy
Still crying looks so much like our Malli who we had to let go of a year ago-miss her as much today as then. It is so hard my thoughts go to you and your family.
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I’m having a hard time finding the words to tell you how touched I am by your amazing, heartfelt and beautiful post that is one of the most touching tributes to the final days of one incredible boy.
As tears build up in my eyes, I can remember what it’s like to feel this kind of hurt, and my heart aches for all of you. There are some dogs who change our life, who rock our world, and leave us a better human. Max is one of them.
May his lessons learned go on to live in the hearts and lives of you, your husband and your daughter. All that he taught you will go on to make the world a better place for humans and animals alike, that we have no doubt.
Is it OK if we post one or two of these amazing photos in our Tripawds photo gallery? They are so precious, we can’t even begin to describe how touched we are that he wore his bandanna during this unforgettable time.
Lots and lots of love coming your way, now and forever.
Run free Max, say hello to Jerry, I know he will love you to pieces.
Absolutely you can, thank you for your kind words.
Very sorry for your loss. What a sweet boy, and so young. The pain will linger, but please feel free to stay a part of the tripawd community. You will always be a tripawd mom. And you will always be a welcome member.
Karma, Adelaide the tripawd husky, our crew along with the new Great Pyrenees addition Maggie May, and always our sweet angel Brendol
So sorry for your precious loss. What a great tribute for your ever loving boy Max. It will never be the same again without him but only until you meet again . You did the best by loving him and giving him the best possible care. I miss my tripawd Lisa( Mastiff mix) and also my 1st baby Boss (Lab mix) every day and we continue our journey. Prayers and hugs.
Our heart goes out to your family. The love is so strong and so obvious from your photos and your blog. Maximus truly lived life to the max with all the care and love he’s experienced. He will never be gone and will always be your guardian angel.
Make no mistakes, you will ALWAYS be a tripawd mom. Losing them young and quickly is really hard. I know that feeling all too well. When the days get tough and it seems like the tears will never end, try your best to think of all the things cancer didn’t take away. It never touched his spirit or the love and bond you two shared. My boston terrier Rosco passed away four days after he was diagnosed (he was 3 years old). Someone said that he got so filled up on love in his short time here that he didn’t need to stay long. Maximus was SO filled up with love that he didn’t need to stay here long either. Whatever his mission on earth was, he completed it with his whole spirit full of love. Many hugs to you.